Return
by mysticxf
Summary: Sun thinks about Jin’s return. Post Exodus 2


Lost and its characters belong to JJ Abrams and crew, I'm just borrowing for some non-profit fun. Sun thinks about Jin's return. (Post Exodus 2) Enjoy.

Lost – Return

By Mystic

September 9th 2005

It wasn't that she didn't love him. On the contrary, she loved him very much. She could think back with no prompting or hesitation to the first time they met; the first time he let his hand absently brush her arm; the first time he pulled her close to him and crushed her lips with his own. Sun loved Jin more than she loved to breathe, but she didn't want him to come back from his journey alive.

She watched from her now comfortable spot leaned up against a rock as Locke and Jack emerged from the brush followed closely by Kate and Hurley. They were all exhausted, covered in dirt and sweat and something putrid that drifted on the air just before them. Sun touched her nose gently, wondering if they even smelled it on themselves.

"They're back," Charlie announced, bringing some of them out of their stupor. Sun watched the conversation, but she wasn't listening to the words. She watched the way Kate studied Jack as he spoke. Her tired eyes traveled from his feet up to his face and she watched as he spoke of there being no room and how the imminent danger had passed. Kate stared at him with a concern that made Sun's heart burn in her chest. Had she ever looked at Jin like that?

She had to have, maybe a long time ago. Her heart felt like holding onto the hope that they'd work; she'd made him the book, felt the passion in his kiss, the pressure of his embrace and her stomach turned. She didn't really love him anymore; just the idea of him. Sun was in love with the idea of it going back to what it was before her father stepped into the picture, but she knew they'd never travel back there. She pushed her head painfully against the rock and closed her eyes, waiting until the commotion died down and her friend came to the water pool beside her.

Kate unzipped her backpack and removed the rag she kept for bathing and dunked it into the cool water. She splashed it onto her shoulder and gave a low moan of pain. Sun opened her eyes and looked at the woman who picked something off her shirt, snarled at it in disgust and flicked it away onto the ground. Kate scrubbed the dirt off her arms and plucked at her tank tops. Sun watched them suck back onto her skin.

"Does not seem like your trip was successful," Sun offered with a grin.

Raising her head, Kate sighed, the right corner of her mouth lifting slightly to reveal a long dimple as she shook her head. Moving forward, Kate yanked the rubber band out of her hair and put her head into the water, blowing bubbles of relief before throwing her hair back. Hurley shouted as he was splattered, but Kate ignored him, keeping her eyes closed as the cold water now ran down her back and into her pants.

"No, it wasn't," she finally told the other woman.

Kate ran her hands through her hair several times before pulling it back up into a ponytail that instantly began to curl. Sun touched Kate's arm, feeling the warmth there and she pulled her fingers away gently, watching Kate stare down at them. "Are you alright?" Sun asked slowly.

Shrugging her shoulders, Kate planted herself down on the ground, wrapping her arms around her legs as she watched Sun. Sun wondered how long they'd been walking; she wondered how much sleep her friend had gotten. She could see dark circles underneath Kate's eyes and could read the fatigue across her face. She didn't think she'd ever seen her like that. "Are you alright?" Kate responded.

Sun lowered her head, knowing it was a dead giveaway she wasn't, but it wasn't as if Kate didn't already know. It often disturbed her how quickly she read into things, and read into them correctly. "I've had a lot of time to think while you've been gone," she told her honestly.

"This about Jin?" Kate asked, pulling her bag towards herself and going through the contents. Sun watched her hold onto the small toy airplane just a moment before setting it aside and digging further.

"Have you ever wanted someone you loved dead?" Sun asked quickly, feeling her heart skip a beat as the words escaped her lips. She watched Kate stop rummaging and stare down into the bag, her eyes haunted by something she refused to tell anyone – not even Sun. There was a moment of contemplation before Kate sniffed loudly and looked up at her, her eyes red.

"I guess it's normal," she told her in a half-whisper. Sun nodded slowly, wishing Kate would just let that last layer peel away so she could truly understand her answers. "Most people do at some point, I guess."

Sun held her breath. Closing her eyes, she admitted, "I don't want him to come back."

There was a moment of silence in which Sun thought Kate had left. She watched the darkness behind her eyelids and listened to the sound of the other woman's breath. "I don't think he… I don't think they will."

It was an admission that Sun knew pained her.

Sun also knew it didn't make her stomach feel any better about it. Jin was her husband, she wasn't supposed to be sitting around imagining him falling off the raft into the dark ocean with a sense of some kind of relief that she'd never have to bother with that part of her life again. That problem.

Kate touched Sun's knee with her forefinger and when Sun opened her eyes, she held out a smaller rag, bundled up. Staring at her with an expression of complete understanding, Kate nodded her head. Frowning, Sun nodded back and then took the small package, opening it slowly, finding seeds inside. "The trip wasn't completely unsuccessful," Kate told her.

Sun laughed slowly, rewrapping the dark seeds. If she got back to her garden, she'd plant them. She was sure they'd be something new and exciting. She watched Locke approach Kate, laying a hand gently on her shoulder. "Can I talk to you a second?" He asked her with an urgency that made Sun's smile disappear.

Nodding, Kate glanced from the older man back to Sun and she zipped her backpack up. "Don't worry," Kate told her, giving her a reassuring smile. "It'll get better soon."

Sun watched her stand and leave with the older man. Kate lowered her head and listened as Locke spoke softly and quietly to her. They disappeared back into the jungle, leaving Sun alone again. She wanted to believe Kate, but her heart told her otherwise.

Finis


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